Hard Week

It has been a long, hard week at our house. Monday started off with one of our new chickens dying. I never posted about all of our other beautiful chickens being killed by a dog. That happened about 3 months ago. I was going to post about it and post some pictures of our new girls, but I never got around to it. I also don't like the new hens as much. Our others were so sweet and docile and these are a little more flighty. Oh well, we still have fresh eggs and that's the important thing. I never thought I would care about fresh eggs until our hens were killed and I had to buy eggs for the first time in a long time. They are fine from the store, but not the same. The hen that died Monday was a very small chick. She was probably only about 10 weeks old. Darren doesn't know what happened, she just died.

Tuesday was a very hard day and I knew it would be. After much prayer and discussion Darren and I decided that it was time to have Oscar put to sleep. About two years ago we noticed that he seemed to be losing his sight. I took him to an animal ophthalmologist and they diagnosed him with SARDs - Sudden Acquired Retinal Degeneration. The disease causes blindness along with lots of other hormonal changes that causes weight gain, excessive licking and panting and extreme mood changes. Oscar has always been a little on the grouchy side so this took it to a whole new level. Thankfully he was never mean or aggressive towards Nate. Basically we lost the real Oscar two years ago when all of this started. After several incidents the past couple of weeks we decided it was time. This was really hard for us because Oscar was our first "baby." I know that sounds silly and it even sounds silly to me now that we have Nate, but he brought us lots of joy and laughter. We struggled to get pregnant for so long and Oscar kind of filled that void during that period of longing. Please don't think I'm comparing dogs to children, because as soon as Nate arrived Oscar and Emmy quickly became dogs. Anyway, Tuesday morning I got up and bathed Oscar and took a couple of pictures of him and Nate (since Nate probably won't remember him) and took him to the "doggie hotel." I couldn't stand to be there for the procedure and Darren and I decided that it would be harder (emotionally) to bring his body home and bury him so Nate and I dropped him off. It was very hard. I sobbed uncontrollably. I even contemplated going back to pick him up several times on the way home. It was so hard, but we knew it was for the best.

After our hard day on Tuesday, I thought it would be fun for Nate and I to go swimming on Wednesday. Nate loves swimming and we always have a lot of fun. We have a very sweet aunt that lets us use her pool any time we want. To make a long story short there was another three year old there and Nate didn't want to share his toys. I know this is normal for this age, but Nate's behavior was unacceptable. He screamed as loud as he could "I don't like to share" and had a big tantrum. After a spanking and time out didn't help, our swim time was cut short. While we were packing our stuff, Nate started throwing toys (out of anger), so this meant another spanking when we got home. I will honestly say that we did not have terrible 2s with Nate, but I think we are definitely going to have some terrible 3s. He's had his fair share of tantrums and outbursts, but not like this. It totally drained me.

All of this was leading up to surgery on Friday. I had surgery in 2006 for endometriosis. It was very severe and most likely was the cause of my infertility. For the past year I have been feeling like it was back. I felt like I needed surgery again, but I didn't want to take the time to do it. A couple of months ago I decided it was time. Everything went really well yesterday. I was not nervous at all. My IV was quick and painless. I will say that I woke up in a lot more pain than I remember last time and I am really struggling with gas pain. When they do laparoscopic procedures they use gas to expand the area to spread things out so the doctor can get to everything. After the surgery this causes pain in the upper abdominal area, chest and shoulders. The best thing for it is to lay flat. It's Saturday morning and I'm still laying flat because if I sit up or get up for any reason I am immediately in a lot discomfort from the unabsorbed gas. I don't remember it taking this long last time and I am getting a little (okay a lot) impatient. I was so hoping to go to church tomorrow, but right now I don't see that happening.

In the midst of all of this, I have many things that I'm thankful for...

• God's creation is awesome and perfect. It's been so neat to have chickens at home and see God's provision for us through creation. I never thought about this when I bought eggs at Wal-Mart.
• Oscar gave us many years of joy and laughter. He was a very sweet and loyal dog (under all of the grouchiness). He loved to sit in our laps and be near us. He would tilt his head in the cutest way when you would talk to him like he was really thinking about what you were saying.
• I am thankful every single day that God gave us Nate. I have seen friends struggle with infertility or recurring miscarriages get pregnant and have beautiful babies. But, I know there are many, many couples who have tried all kinds of procedures, spent thousands and thousands of dollars, cried thousands of tears and are not able to get pregnant.
• I love getting to spend every day with Nate, even the hard ones. Before bed we rock and read and sing a couple of hymns. It was so hard for me last night when I couldn't rock him and love on him like I usually do.
• I am thankful for a husband that will take GREAT care of me and Nate while I recover.
• I am thankful for the sweet and compassionate ladies at the vet's office. They also sent us a sweet sympathy card this week.
• I am thankful for great friends who insisted on bringing us dinner this weekend.
• I am thankful for parents that are great grandparents. It was such a relief to know that Nate was safe and having a great time while I was at the hospital. I loved watching them be grandparents to Ashlyn and I knew from the moment Nate was born that he would love them.
• I am thankful that Darren has a great job with good insurance. I know there are many people who don't have health insurance or don't even have access to adequate health care. We are very blessed to have both.
• I am so thankful for the friends/family who prayed for me yesterday. I am thankful that God gave me absolute peace.
• I am thankful for our sweet children's minister who came to keep Darren company during my surgery. I am also thankful for the sweet prayer she prayed before my surgery.
• My surgery was minor. We were home by lunch. However, I am thankful that I can have peace in all situations knowing that I trust Jesus Christ for my salvation.